There’s nothing like a night at home alone with the girls to put things into perspective. I found myself dusting, mopping, sweeping, and cleaning many sections of my house that almost never get a proper wipe down (though they clearly needed it) tonight while I watched some particularly crappy television. My newly dry shiney clean floors were rewarded with three episodes of “The Girls Next Door” and the dusting awarded me the treat of a new episode of “Real World/Road Rules Challenge - Inferno 3″ which deeply moved me because Timmy was voted off. Who doesn’t love Timmy?!?!? He’s terrific, seriously! I know that I’m the only one who remembers him from his show years ago and am one of two (yes, I’m calling you out Mike) still watching those stupid challenges but they really suck me in! Once they start in with the girls hating each other and Tanya (to no ones surprise) whoring it up for the 18th year in a row or something (she’s seriously aging) I find myself longing for the next episode! That is how they keep me locked in! I think it is really because they’re all such mindless programs that I can still be productive while enjoying the intellectual stimulation of it all - that’s why I don’t ever feel guilty. Last night I watched the biggest loser while doing five loads of laundry. I think what crappy television is really allowing us all to do is to be more productive, and I’d like to send out a hearty thank you at this time to all television executives who are clearly responsible for my tidy household
Kudos - I appreciate what you do!

I’m tired. Washington DC is big and we had the most beautiful day to enjoy it but I’m tired and need a nap, so this’ll be short tonight. We saw the outside of the librairy of congress, visited Lincoln’s memorial, saw the Vietnam Memorial, and the Korean War Memorial. We also stopped by the Museum of Native American History where we saw a very cool copper wall and the most delicious lunch ever (including pumpkin cookies - delicious)! Finally, we witnessed a man being struck down by four policemen outside the White house (now known as beat-down alley). Overall it was a fine day in our nation’s capital.

In Washington DC what denotes that an area is closed off?
A) a magical brown bit of twine B) an official looking guard C) a loud beeping noise with a flashing light

What name have we chosen for my cousin’s future child?
A) Sophie B) Honkey C) Sea Bass

In the town of Winchester, what official marker denotes that a road is closed?
A) three cones in the road B) a sign that says “road closed” C) a magical yellow string

Lauren is besties with Wayne and his body guards. Mindi wanted, more than anything, to meet and possibly have a private experience with Wayne Newton this weekend which might seem strange when visiting Virginia, but Wayne happens to be the Grand Marshall of the Apple Blossom Festival… so it isn’t really that crazy. Unfortunately, Mindi, Frank, and I had no such Wayne experience. Lauren, on the other hand, met him for a life changing 5 seconds when attempting to board an elevator in the nicest (yes really) hotel in Winchester (we only enjoy the finer things in life so we went Wingate all the way). She greeted him with an enthusastic “Wow, hi there!” Wayne said hello back and then the doors shut. Though Mindi was standing right next to her, she assumed Lauren was greeting an old town bar friend, and not having a once in a lifetime celebrity meeting. Anyway, we’re mad at Lauren as she’s been in the presence of greatness.

After getting over that tragic blow, we headed down to breakfast (which was delicious - thank you Wingate) and saw another fine Winchester celebrity, Miss Virginia, in a gold shiny slinky rusched dress at 9:15am… She is clearly a glamorous pagent winner all the way!

We thought we’d attempt to have another Wayne sighting at the pre-parade street show, but we were tragically thwarted in our efforts when, for the second time this weekend, the glossy brochures held misinformation and lead us astray. Fortunately, we did receive a free bottle of water and religious tract from the Nazarenes - thank you Nazarenes, my thirst is finally quenched!

We decided to leave Winchester a bit early as it was raining (and we’d missed Wayne again) so we headed off to my cousin’s house (which is lovely - thank you for letting us stay Jess and Jeff). We were greeted by an enthusiastic Sophie (of course pictures are in the gallery) and then headed to the Torpedo Factory and downtown Alexandria which is SOOO much cooler than I ever remember it being! We saw oodles of crazy art in the Torpedo Factory (beautiful and expensive!) shopped around town where Mindi bought every kind of turquiose Sharpie imaginable and we tortured the boys (Frank mostly) by shopping for purses and jewelry… again. He’s so good to us!

We sent the boys off to celebrate Cinco de Mayo at an Irish Pub called Murphy’s where Frank was named the “Cricketeer” due to his dart prowess. He, Jeff, and Jon attracted a gaggle of “bar hags” who came over to “learn how to play darts.” We did not come to their rescue but sat 6 inches away and laughed out loud as the married ones kept throwing Jon to the courger… or hag. Murphy’s also had live music that required us to clap and dance along - my favourite kind of bar music Who doesn’t like to join in? I don’t know! Our favourite was the unicorn song and yes, we can show you all of the choreography.

What is Winchester known as?
A) All-American City B) All-America City C) Home of Apple Flapple

Who had the most security today?
A) Jean Fricke (grand marshal and country western singer) B) The Virginia Senator C) Miss Virgina

What is the title of most of the beauty queens we experienced today?
A) pretty ladies B) Honorary Fire Chief C) Miss United States

The way to downtown Winchester uses:
A) Jubal Quick B) only premium gasoline C) Jubal Early

First thing - our friend from Jacksonville (now known as JAX and it’s alright that we have a nickname for him since he called Lauren “blondie”). Anyway, he followed us today as well (check the photos and you’ll see how handsome his is) and we discovered that he was not on vacation, but in fact, was here to work the Apple Blossom Festival as a carnie who was very upset with us when we wouldn’t play his dart, ballon, and three balls for 7 dollar game… “small hands, smell like cabbage.”

While checking out Jax’s fellow carnies, we bumped into Big E or Eric from MTV’s Real World/Road Rules Challenge Fresh Meat. As Eric is who and what he is, we all assumed we knew him from high school, but since none of us went to the same high school (or college for that matter) we discoverd that although his looks aren’t stereotypically “celebrity” he was, in fact, a local celebrity. Frank likes to embarass me so you can see a photo of him and I in the photo gallaries. I’m mortified even mentioning it…. and yet, we’ve fashioned a list of informative questions to ask him in case we bump into him tomorrow… our lives are sad.

We tried to see the coronation of the Apple Blossom Queen but were lead a stray by the informative maps, and guidebooks to a location a mile in the wrong direction that was under construction but the lengthy walk afforded us the opportunity to make wishes on weeds and see the surrounding neighborhoods. Since we missed the coronation, we decided to have a thirst quenching beverage and go shopping for all the things we felt too guilty about buying yesterday… the economy of Winchester (who’s building is very festively decorated) has properly thanked us

Today we attended the world’s largest (yes, that means it was three full hours) firefighter’s parade. Though we waited a very very long time, we did not see Wayne Newton, aka: Apple Blossom’s Grand Marshall, or Tom Wopat, or George Hamilton, or Dorothy Hamill who were all proudly advertised in the brochures and website. Liars in Virginia, all liars. Although, we did see the most laid back townie ever who was mascotting his own tractor/float while kicking back and enjoying the sites… with the occasional nether-scratch. Have a gander, you’ll crack up. We also saw the most poorly behaved musician in the history of middle school marching bands ever. As the photo shows, he is using his trombone as a walking stick, armrest, and cane to lean on as well as adjusting his chin strap as a teething ring while looking around to notice himself being noticed. He is the reason we have all sworn off children that become pain-in-the-you-know-where teenagers. We’ll also remind our families at this point, that we were well behaved and respectful of authority in our youth.

Mindi purchased several brush art animals today made from seeds, glue, wire, leaves, and seed pods. What sorts of animals did she buy?
A) two giraffs and a non-family-friendly joey B) a red-jay, squirel , and sharp nosed hummingburd C) five squirels who she’s named and is designing costumes for

Decipher the following phrase: KEB it up!

What are the Apple Blossom Festival Colors?
A) a faded Italian flag B) Pink and Mint C) Blue and White D) it depends on what kind of apple you’re eating

KEB-7000:
Can be used interchangably for phrases such as “let’s get out of here” or “get me a drink.” If confused, please refer to the 1983 use of the word “smurfy.” Seriously, why was there only one girl? What the heck!

We (Lauren, Mindi, Frank, and I) hopped onto a plane early this morning headed toward Winchester for the 80th annual Apple Blossom Festival (for more information, go to www.thebloom.com). Our first stop was Sheetz where Lauren discovered the wonderment that is the never ending condiment option and Mindi sampled the new and delicately flavoured garlic fries (the car still smells).

We took a short walk around Shenandoah University and saw the cutest goslings waddling near the water. I stopped into the campus health center to see if my favorite sign was still on the wall (so I could share it with you all arounhd the world) but unfortunately, the “Love carefully, chlamydia is not a flower” sign has been taken down and I can only imagine that the students of Shenandoah are now at risk, without that sage advice.

We also walked around “old town” Winchester where we did some shopping (alright, a good deal of shopping) and chatting with the locals. A soiled man from Jacksonville (who itched the area under his shirt continually throughout the day) stopped us to celebrate and share his Florida heritage with us. He made us nervous… especially since he seemed to follow us throughout the day. We found ourselves at Brewbakers (one of our favorite pubs ever) and located the best people watching table ever. We took in the “local culture” and in the end met a man who could not resist my loveliness (it’s no surprise that he had clearly been drinking for hours and was the resident drunk).

We (I) also encounter an angry staring man who huffed at me after I came out of the restroom. Since I remembered to flush, I couldn’t figure out why he was hmph-ing at me and assumed I was being paranoid. He looked a little familiar but not so much that it seemed appropriate to say hi. As we left to head home for the evening, he (according to Mindi) gave me the “angry stare down” so this is my formal appology to the angry man. I’m not sure what I did to you, or wrote you up for in college, but I’m sorry if it had a lasting scarring effect. I’m sure I was in the wrong, and you were blameless, as most teenage co-eds are. My bad.

We’ve put together some new features, including “phrases of Winchester” and “trivia” so please participate in this holiday with us - there might even be a prizzze in it for you! Please respond to the trivia questions by emailing me directly at andrea@andreahendry.com.