I’m sure that there are many of you out there who love infomercials as much as I do. You might look forward to the 3am rantings of the “scratch and dent” lady who, as Frank says, is in fact scratched and dented herself (see knee brace boldly displayed underneath her fluorescent yellow cocktail frock). You may also have been talked into purchasing proactive at 6 in the morning because you have four blackheads and allowed Vanessa Williams to convince you that you are covered in acne. Anyway, this brings us to the topic at hand.

Three years have come and gone (well, really more like five if you’re counting all of it) and here we are. We shared a lovely anniversary evening of frivolity ending in our gift exchange when Frank gave me the best gift of all time. I am now the proud owner of the best infomercial product ever – and just I drank a frothy cocktail out of my party mug after dicing onions to fry up in the skillet! Yep, you guessed it! Frank bought me a Magic Bullet for our anniversary! Don’t get jealous – you’re all welcome to stop by and chose your protective color coded ring for your party mug!

For this gift, I’ll compose an ode to Frank:

Ode to Frank
Frank oh Frank
You are a tank
The wind blows through your orang-y locks
when running around in your orang-y frocks
You frolic across the bank
Ringing your bell, you go Clank, Clank,
Outside in the sunshine
but with you, forever is not such a long time!